July 16, 2003
It all starts with a 3x5 card.


We're back from vacation.... back from Florida. Sunny, gorgeous, steamy Florida. We spent most of our vacation with Tom's family in beloved Windermere, but we also managed to slip away to the Gulf Coast for a couple of days of non-family relaxation.

We stopped at a trashy K-Mart on the way to the beach to buy a swimsuit for Tom, since his old one was falling apart. (He prides himself on the fact that until last week, he was still wearing the same swimsuit he bought when he was a junior in high school.)

We browsed the racks at K-Mart and came up with two options — one conservative gray with navy edging, and the other bright red, printed with gaudy, cartoony flames on the backside.

Standing in the dressing room, the decision seemed to take on epic significance. Somehow, as we weighed the decision, we realized: Conservative Gray Shorts = Selling Out & Giving Way to Old Age. Gaudy Flame Shorts = Kooky Hipster! Forever Young!

He paid $16.99 for the flame shorts, but we've already recovered more than that in silly laughter about flaming butts, and how "you better not sit down on that beach chair — you're a fire hazard, you know."




(One thing I appreciate about my husband is how he doesn't really mind me putting a picture of his flaming butt on the web for the whole world to see. I like a man with confidence in his butt.)

(Also, is it too obvious that he's the one who keeps me feeling light, who reminds me to smile? Truly, I would be a hard-core sourpuss without my beloved husband at my side.)

While we were away, we also competed aggressively in the annual family lip synch contest. Boy, the competition was really stiff this year. I knew that when my 60-year-old mother-in-law stepped out on stage wearing a shiny black wig and a glittery, skin-tight, sequined minidress that she was looking for the trophy. Sadly, neither of us won. Contrary to my bold promises, I lost quite badly. I didn't win second place. I didn't even win third place. (I did get the "Best Use of Sass" award... does that count?)

The person who did win was, once again, my husband, who gave an extremely stirring performance of "Separate Ways" by Journey. His costume was almost a little too convincing, and his back-up band members (one playing an inflatable toy guitar, one playing a kiddie Casio keyboard) gave their hearts to the effort. The best part of their performance was when Tom's sister played her plastic guitar so vigoriously that she almost fell over. I laugh until my eyes start to overflow, every time I see that part of the video.

But anyhow, back to the beach pictures:



I know this is completely hokey, but we took pictures of ourselves on the balcony of our hotel room. I think that is something that people do when their hotel turns out to be way nicer than expected, and they are awed by its classiness and their own shabbiness.



I have to admit, it was pretty lovely to tumble out of bed first thing in the morning and take in this view. Pool down below, and the Gulf in the background. It was delectable. I could get terribly used to being pampered constantly.



Oh, yes, and dinosaurs were involved in our trip. We stopped at a pitiful, B-grade theme park off I-4, "Dinosaur World." Yeah. Dinosaur World was just as cool as it sounds. Well, not really. Frankly, we never even got past the gift shop. Tom said, "Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not paying any money to look at plaster dinosaurs."

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Vacation being what it is, we did a lot of good talking while we were away. I guess that's what vacations are for. They help you shake the carbon out of your brain and see things from a different angle.

When we were at the beach, we talked about difficult things. We have some tough decisions coming up — decisions that both of us are unwilling to make. We realized, as we talked, how much both of us would rather just rather tap-dance around the landmines instead of forming a plan and charging boldly ahead. So many Giant Issues seem to be looming over us right now, and they feel larger than life. Kids, money, jobs, what to do about buying a house. We talked about all of that. Just talking openly — that was probably the best part of the whole week.

We also celebrated Tom's birthday in Florida. He turned 31 on Monday. We imported a mariachi band and a tiny plate of flan for the occasion.



On the way back to Atlanta we started talking again about what we really want to do with our lives. How much we want to be able to develop our own small businesses, doing what we love, working for ourselves, able to create our own hours. This whole job/career thing continues to be one of my greatest challenges. It is like the giant green dragon in the moat. I am so afraid to let go of my safe, steady, flat, boring, dependable, 9-to-5 job. But deep down, I really want to cross that bridge. I want to take on the dragon. Why is this so hard for me?

As the miles rushed by us, I tried to envision what it would look like if I was able to step out on my own. I keep thinking that I am OK at a lot of little things. You know, a little design, a little writing, a little of this and that. And I keep thinking, that if I'm really clever, surely there's a way to scrape all those little things together into a pile and get one decent living out of it. Surely! I grabbed a 3" x 5" card from the glove box and started sketching out some different ideas for little steps I can take that will help me get a little closer to my goal. Because if you leap, the net will appear, right? They're just little steps, but right now they feel like great big ones. I think it's good for me to write these steps down and hold myself to them. It is practice in being brave. Something tells me that if I practice now, I might actually be ready by the time I come face-to-face with that giant green dragon.