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June 1, 2004
The Upside-Down World
We're at the close of Day 25 here in the new upside-down world.
Yep. No longer right-side-up. Upside-down. Topsy-turvy. Freaked-out and inside-out. I woke up a few weeks ago and realized that the world in which I spent my first thirty years no longer exists.
Clearly, it is time to start building a new one.
Is this something that everybody has to go through? Is this a step forward, or backward, or sideways? Why does it feel so catastrophic and terrifying? Is this going to lead me right back to where I was — only more settled, more confident and aware? Or have I really left home for good? Can I really never go back?
I was breaking out in cold sweats, considering these questions. On the recommendation of a good friend, I enlisted a new therapist who, like me, had one day awakened in an upside-down world of her own. She and I met briefly last week. We connected over these questions and decided to work on them together. At the end of our time she looked thoughtfully at the ceiling and said, These questions that keep bubbling up, these questions that won't go away: this is the sound of your life waking up.
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Now playing: Scenes from Atlanta, taken over the past couple of weeks. Perhaps you'll want to come visit Atlanta after you see them! |
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It was about four or five songs into the dancing that I noticed my husband doing things with his body that I have never seen before. — June 1, 2003
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"Begin here. It is raining. I am here alone for the first time in weeks, to take up my 'real' life again at last. That is what is strange — that friends, even passionate love, are not my real life unless there is time alone in which to explore and to discover what is happening or has happened.
"Without the interruptions, nourishing and maddening, this life would become arid. Yet I taste it fully only when I am alone here and 'the house and I resume old conversations.'"
— May Sarton, Journal of a Solitude |
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I can be reached at romanlily ~at~gmail.com. Or you can join the notify list here. |
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